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Hi Silva,
You know why my column is
so fascinating? Because I don’t sound like any of the other love doctors
out there. Have you guys ever noticed that?
Now, you mean to tell me
you waited until after midnight to go hunting for home phone numbers? Man, you
should have closed these girls when they were still laughing. Or like my cousin
Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You should have been taking numbers
when they were still awake.”
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Pal, you spent way too much time with these girls
before thinking about going after their phone numbers. Once you get anywhere
from five to 15 minutes in with a girl and you have her giggling,
you’re asking for her home phone number. You can’t be rapping
to them and making them laugh at 9 o’clock and then waiting until dawn to
take action. To you Psych majors, when you spend too much time with a girl
before going for the phone number, Murphy’s Law is going to kick in –
THINGS WILL GO WRONG. Guaranteed.
And it was already too late when the
football team showed up bombed at the party. That’s why you should have
done it much earlier. Heck, if you had just handed Dierdre your business card
and a pen and yelled “HOME PHONE NUMBER!” into her face, I don’t
care how many guys were swarming over her, she would have handed it right over
if she had any interest in you at all. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says,
“Hey, they weren’t pinning her arms behind her back, were they?”
Guy, you have to pretend like your life depends on getting those 10
digits. Or like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “If you don’t ask for
the home phone number, why did you go to the party?”
Now
let’s look at your three options. Telling the boys from Animal House to
stop interrupting wasn’t going to work – they were rowdy and
hammered. Starting a fight or storming out in a hissy fit would have made you
even more of a loser than you ended up. Likewise for waiting around until the
crowd thinned – by the time the party petered out, all the girls would
have gone home, exhausted or chased off by the drunken frat rats.
But
Silva, you wouldn’t have appeared weak if you told those jerks to back
off. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Hey, lots of
girls dig macho guys. Why do you think George Clooney has to beat them off with
a stick?”
Dude, girls aren’t going to be suspicious of
your motives if they have high Interest Level. They won’t care what
your motives are. Like the great Doctor Freud said, “My son, look at how
many of them go off with Dennis Rodman.”
Silva, you should have
grabbed Deirdre by the hand, took her straight outside the apartment door and
said “What’s your home phone number?” Or pulled her into
the bathroom, locked the door, and let the Blockers in their drunken stupor try
and beat the door down as you’re getting a number while sitting on the
toilet seat.
But instead, Deirdre left with her friends and you
never CLOSED. The most important chapter in the Dating Dictionary is
“Closing the Deal.” Looks like you didn’t read that one, Silva!
So you count Blockers among even your own close friends….Hear
that, guys? Like my cousin General Love says, “When it comes to girls, you
can’t even trust the man next to you in the foxhole.”
In the
end, the only guy who has your best interests in mind is me.
What you
have to do is this: CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT. If you want to get her phone number
and you’re surrounded by the enemy, you grab her hand and you pull. If she
has high Interest Level, she’ll follow you. If she doesn’t,
she’s going to slip out of your hands like she was greased.
Remember, guys: if you’re not going to ask for the home phone number, why
are you talking to her? |
