How Does Matt Dillon Handle The Waitress?

Hey Doc,

I’m a newcomer to “The System” but it’s really turned things around for me. Thank you!

Here’s my situation. My buddies and I have been eating at the same restaurant for a few years now. One waitress who works there, Brigitte, is a Beautiful Woman and a real sweetheart. About two months ago, I noticed her making eyes at me. Before letting my ego shoot through the roof, I tried to undervalue her Interest Level and kept to my usual routine, which was nothing more than “hello” and “goodbye.” A few weeks ago, some of her female coworkers began to drop her name a lot to me. They even asked if I “missed” her when she was off one night.

I took this as a good sign, so I had my birthday party at the restaurant. Afterwards I ended up being invited out by the whole restaurant crew. When I asked Brigitte if she was going, she said, “Are you going to be there?” We all went out, chatted, shot pool, and had a great time.

The next weekend I was invited to another party by the restaurant crew and Brigitte was there, attached to my hip the entire night. But for some reason she seemed fidgety and nervous. About halfway through the evening we went off alone and got to talking. She revealed that she had a boyfriend she was going fishing with the next day. I ended the conversation, but her earlier flirty behavior continued. The boyfriend was not mentioned again, nor did any of her coworkers ever mention him.

Since the party, Brigitte gets really excited whenever I see her at the restaurant, is always very attentive to me, and always gives me extended eye contact. When I leave the restaurant she always asks if she’ll see me the next time I come in. I have not asked for her home number because of the boyfriend.

What do you think I should do, Doc? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Addison - who wonders if he should eat somewhere else

Hi Addison,

Exactly how do you know that Brigitte’s heart is sweet? You don’t really know anything about this girl, do you? Don’t forget, Paul McCartney thought his soon-to-be-ex wife was the kindest girl he ever met, too. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Then he got to know her.”

Now when a girl gives you any kind of buying signals, you’re supposed to ask for the home phone number. You might own my book, Addison, but in order to make it work at maximum effectiveness, you’ve got to MEMORIZE it. You’ve got to practice it until it’s second nature. My techniques will show you that if the girl turns you down, she was just flirting for bigger tips. And that’s why you have to go for it – to eliminate all doubts about where she’s really coming from.

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When Brigitte’s co-workers asked if you missed her, you should have flashed your best Christopher Walken grin and told them you were suicidal. Remember, you’re always keeping it light and funny.

Having your birthday bash at Brigitte’s restaurant was a huge MISTAKE. Why in the world would you want to do something like that? Addison, this is the definition of a GROUP DATE, and you know if you’ve read my book that group dates are always a no-no.

Dude, you don’t own this girl. Instead of being alone with Brigitte and selling her on the idea that she should dump her boyfriend for you, you end up sharing her with 20 other people. Like my cousin General Love says, “This is not what you would call a solid battlefield strategy.” When Brigitte asked if you were going to be at the party, you should have said, “Well, it’s only my birthday party, I don’t why I’d be there!”

But agreeing to go to the next party with the entire restaurant workers union was an even more HUMONGOUS blunder. After sharing your birthday party with a crowd of strangers you should have disappeared. You should have let all the others go out by themselves. You wanted to see Brigitte ALONE, right?

But this is actually where the entire situation becomes very interesting – the kind of scene a forensic love detective would have a field day with. Think it about it. Brigitte is leaning on you. She’s dancing with you. She’s bumping into you and seems to be having a fun time…but at the same time she’s fidgety and nervous and looking over her shoulder. To you Psych majors, something’s not right. Guys, you know what this means: Brigitte is faking high Interest Level.

And of course that’s when she reveals that she’s going fishing with her boyfriend the next day. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Only it really looks like she’s baiting you and that you’re the big fish who’s about to get hooked.”

Addison, you should have gotten out of there the minute you saw Brigitte flashing her lure. Anytime you see a red flag and her Interest Level is dropping, it’s time to say “Sayanora.” Pal, you hung around much too long.

And who cares if Brigitte’s coworkers don’t mention her boyfriend? All you should care about is her Interest Level in you. But what you have here is a girl with a boyfriend who likes to play with other guys’ heads and egos. That’s all there is to it.

Sure, Brigitte gets excited when she sees you. But not excited enough to get rid of her boyfriend. And she’s very attentive to you as well – but only when her boyfriend’s not around.

Addison, when this cutie batted her eyes at you, you should have gone straight for that home phone number. Then, when she turned you down and said, “I can’t -- I have a boyfriend,” and you wouldn’t have had to order your meat loaf and mashed potatoes at her restaurant every night.

What you could have done then was written your number down and handed it to her and said, “Honey, as soon as your boyfriend’s circling in the sink, give me a call.” That’s the only time you hand out your phone number. The point is to get your number into her hands as soon as possible because this turkey’s not going to last. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “That boy’s gonna be doin’ a lot of fishin’ on his own.”

Nevertheless, I do think you need a good dose of reality, Addison. Because you actually did overestimate Brigitte’s Interest Level, despite what you think. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Man, you must be leaving this girl some monster gratuities!”

Remember, guys: sometimes waitresses fake Interest Level so they can pick up bigger tips.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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