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Hi Dirk,
Let me tell you something.
My book is not just about dating -- it’s also about keeping a
man’s wife happy. Why your brother gave you his copy of my book
I’ll never understand. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “I sure
hope your brother knows what the heck he’s doing!”
It was
perfect that you told Lisette that the two of you were way too young to get
involved. When she informed her parents of this – “I tried to get
Dirk to move in with me and he wouldn’t do it because he said our
education is more important” – they’d have to think more of you
and you’d have to pick up all kinds of points with them.
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The problem of course is that you weren’t
scoring points with their daughter. To you Psych majors, whenever a girl wants
to “try new things,” it’s because the “old thing”
– i.e., YOU – has gotten BORING. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says,
“That means you’re predictable and a snore and you ain’t no fun
no more.” Lisette’s telling you that all you want to do is hang out
and you never want to go out and have fun or that you’re all over her like
a cheap suit. Is it just a coincidence that she wants to see other
people? Darn, what a funny coincidence!
Guy, why were you floored
by Lisette’s revelation that she wanted to be free? I’m floored that
you actually believed her explanation!
Dude, I’m sure you’re
enjoying success with my book now – with all new women. Because as
I’ve told you guys a million times already, once it’s over, it’s
over.
You can’t let Lisette back into your life. She had her
chance. She practically came right out and told you to your face that she was
suffering from low Interest Level. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love
says, “When a girl wants to go out with other guys, dance with them and
kiss them, it means she doesn’t like you -- anymore.” Du-uh.
So how it is that all of a sudden Lisette saw the light after she decided that
she could do without you forever? You know what my cousin Brother Love down in
Watts says, don’t you? “When she’s got nothing to do that night,
all of a sudden you don’t look so bad.” But once her Interest Level
hits 49%, it’s over. Gone. Like the Reality Factor says, “It
CAN’T come back.”
When she came slinking around and trying
to get you to take her out, you should have told her, “Lisette, my dear,
any time you want to talk, give me a call. I’ve love to hear from you and
I’ll always consider you a friend.” And then you never call
her. And when she leaves messages on your service, you don’t respond
to them. You’ve got all those other new babes to occupy your time,
remember?
It’s okay to turn down Lisette’s invitation for
coffee, but it’s more effective to do it with a bit of humor. Here’s
what you should have said: “I’d like to, honey, but there’s a
Playmate shoot going on in my bathroom all next week and I can’t possibly
break away. But thanks for asking.”
When she admitted to making
the biggest mistake of her life, you should have said, “Lisette, I know
you screwed up, but I forgive you, and the next guy you meet who’s really
good to you, you’ll really appreciate him, I guarantee it. Good
luck!”
The point is that my two rules – (1) being as cunning
as a shark with young women and (2) once it’s over, it’s over -- are
enough to conduct yourself by.
So…your life is good except that
you have a sour taste in your mouth from your breakup with Lisette?
Doesn’t sound like a contradiction to me!
When Lisette e-mails
you, delete her letter, and when you hear her voice on your answering machine,
just press the button and go on to the next message. Like my cousin General
Love says, “Soldier, you gotta be tough!” Because let’s face it,
Dirk – she’s tough on you when she needs time apart, right? The fact
that she looks like Kate Moss’s sister shouldn’t give her a pass.
So why would you go out and have coffee with a girl who told you that
her Interest Level was in the nether regions – i.e., below 50%? Why would
you want to spend any kind of any time or effort on her – not to mention
the $7 for lattes and cappuccinos -- when you could be dating a new girl, one
whose Interest Level in you is higher?
Remember, guys: they only get
one chance. |
