|
Hi Jose,
Thanks for the compliments.
And let me suggest that The Dating Dictionary should be required reading
for every senior in every high school. If it were, there’d be a lot less
problems in the world, guaranteed.
Now Jose, with “The
System” we don’t “hang out.” We go on dates. We get dressed
up. Sprinkle on a few drops of nice cologne. Shine our shoes and brush our
teeth. Then we paste on a big smile, and when we get to the door, we say
“Showtime!” We want the girl to know that we’re after her, but
in a subtle and nonverbal fashion. We’re going to say it with our actions
because we don’t believe in talking about heavy stuff and giving our power
away.
Search
the Singles Ads
Meet more people, make more dates, and have more
fun!
|
|
|
I’m sure Natasha is all the things you say,
Jose. No doubt she can pass for Maria Sharapova’s younger sister. And
she’s one more thing: she’s 17 years young. Which means she’s
not fully-grown, and we all know that a young girl is nothing if not dangerous
when it comes to falling in love. She doesn’t know what she wants yet.
She’s just a baby, and so are you, but that’s all right. We all have
to start somewhere.
And I have no doubt that you’re crazy about
her. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, so who wouldn’t like her? But the more
important point is this: what’s HER Interest Level? Does she touch your
arm five times whenever she sees you? Does she tail you around the halls at
school trying to get your attention? That’s what you’re not telling
me. And it’s the only thing that matters.
Your big date
with Natasha was more like a big mistake, buddy. And your first blunder was
going on a group date. What have I told you guys a zillion times? No group
dates. You should be taking this girl to different types of places around
town. Unusual, unique places. Far-out restaurants. The zoo if there is one.
Doing things that other high school guys don’t do. You’ll
stand out in the crowd, believe me.
I’m sure too that Natasha
said she liked you – but she didn’t say it after 10 years of
marriage. If she did, then you can do somersaults and back flips. But she said
it after two hours. Two hours isn’t enough. Two hours is nothing.
Jose, I hate to break this to you, but Natasha does like go to parties
and hang out with guys – she kissed you, didn’t she? Let’s get
real here. How do you know what she does? Have you had a camera on this filly
for the last 17 years, watching her every move? And she’s drop-dead
gorgeous to boot? This girl’s been chased since she was 12, man.
She’s heavy duty. And you’re putting her way up on a pedestal. The
truth is that you know nothing about Natasha. Absolutely nothing.
And of course you ran and called her the very next day. Hey, she looks
like she should be on the cover of Seventeen, right? Why don’t you
just ask her to go steady already? Say, “Natasha, let’s go steady
because I can’t wait – I’m in a real hurry!”
What
you should have done was not answered Natasha’s text message at all. Like
my cousin General Love says, “Withdraw, soldier!” But like most boys
with big egos – and I’m talking about 45-year-old boys here too
– you had to charge in and try and “fix” things. Anytime you
get a mixed signal from a girl and you sense a drop in intensity, you should be
GONE. Out of there. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says,
“You’re the newest member of the U.S. Federal Witness Protection
Program, living in Podunk, Nebraska.”
Natasha didn’t call
you back? Heck, I can see it. It’s really tough to make a phone call. She
had to pick up the receiver, which weighs all of 14 ounces, then she had to
punch in the digits seven times and she had to say, “Listen, baby, I had a
great time, and I’ll see you at school tomorrow. I’m dying to see you
again, but I’m just out of gas. I don’t mean to be rude, but I knew
you’d understand, because I took the 30 seconds necessary to call you due
to my high Interest Level, and because I’m a classy girl and I’m
always up front.”
But she didn’t do that, did she? This
beauty was all over you for one night – and that’s all. I want her
all over you for 10 dates. One night is nothing. Remember: UNTIL YOU GET TO 10
DATES, NOTHING COUNTS.
Know why Natasha didn’t phone you back?
Because you’re pressing her. She’s a knockout. She’s dying
inside for a Challenge, and all she finds is little boys pressing, pressing,
and pressing. You smooched three times and here you are falling in love
forever. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Bro, it’s
time to grow up!”
You should have phoned in sick to school the
next day. You should have made her wonder where you were. Yet you’re
forcing Natasha to get together on the weekend. Here a girl is pulling back,
and you keep pushing her. To you Psych majors, pressure never works in a
romantic relationship – period.
Jose, if Natasha isn’t
enthusiastic about getting together again, call her up on Thursday and break
the date. I dare you.
You say you listen to my radio show and you read
my column and then you make the statement that you want a long-term
relationship. Apparently Natasha wants just a one-night hookup and nothing
else. But no, you’re thinking, you’re the only one. You’re the
first one. No one’s ever rapped to this babe from the time she was 12 to
the time she turned 17. No other guy’s ever kissed on a Saturday night.
Dude, you keep thinking that. And keep smoking whatever you’re smoking.
Like I said, it’s time to move to Broken Butt, North Dakota.
Because pal, you want Natasha pounding on your door, pleading with you to come
out, calling you, begging to know what’s wrong because you haven’t
gotten back to her and she’s left you three phone messages, texted you six
times and you’re not giving her the time of day. Like my cousin Fast Eddie
Love says, “When she’s going nuts over you, then maybe we’ll
give her another shot.”
Remember, guys: when you sense a
discrepancy in Interest Levels, it’s time to load up the car and buy a
farm in North Dakota. |
