Doc
Love - Success Coach
We're happy to present dating advice for men from Doc Love. Doc
Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his
seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you
stay with one man versus another?" |
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Does Dennis Rodman Ever Get
Hung Up On His Exes? Hey Doc,
First let me say that your website
and radio show are addictive. I’d call you for help, but I’m nervous
about being on the air. So I’ll give you a brief summary of my situation.
Two years ago I met Taylor online. We instantly clicked. Seven months
later we decided to move in together. I was considering marrying her too. Well,
a few months ago things changed. Taylor broke up with me. I wrote her a letter
explaining how I felt that she had not given our relationship a fair chance.
She called me and said, “You’re right. I think we need to spend more
time together and see where things go.”
Well, I kept asking her
to see me, and every time she made excuses why she couldn’t. I sent her an
e-mail and told her I was sick of it. She apologized and promised she would
make things better. In the meantime, I met Dana, an absolutely wonderful woman.
She called me all the time, said she wanted to see me, and came right out and
said she liked me. One day she asked “So when are you going to ask me to
be your girl?” Anyway, Dana has been hanging in there ever since.
She’s a Giver, very sweet, and she makes me feel special.
But my
heart is still with Taylor. Why can’t I get over Taylor when I have Dana,
who is practically falling all over me? I e-mailed Taylor recently and told her
that all I ever wanted was for someone to treat me right and be there for me,
and I added, “Obviously you can’t provide that, so it’s time I
meet someone who will.” She then asked me to dinner to “talk.”
We went out, and she told me “I was never in love with you. I think you
are a great guy and I want you as my friend. Maybe sometime down the line we
can get back together.”
I knew what that meant. It translates
into “Howie, I want to string you along because I’ve found someone
else and I need you as a backup in case it doesn’t work out.” No way,
I told her. This date was a chance for her to throw one last punch at me, and I
fell for it.
In the meantime, Dana has been waiting patiently. She
called and said, “I miss you. I want to see you.” What I can’t
understand is why I’m hung up on a woman who won’t give me the time
of day, and pass on one who is good-looking, sweet and giving.
Doc, I
realize I’ve made some mistakes. Will you help me? I’ve had such bad
luck with women. Can you make sense out of any of this?
Howie - who
can’t take getting beat up anymore |
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Hi Howie,
Your first mistake was
moving in with Taylor too soon – way, way, WAY too soon. What have I told
you guys again and again? You have to go in SLOW. You can never go in too slow.
Apparently you didn’t follow my advice.
It doesn’t matter
that you wanted to marry Taylor, pal. The only thing that counts is whether she
ever considered marrying YOU. Remember, the most important tenet of
“The System” is that it’s her Interest Level that matters –
not yours.
You think Taylor didn’t give your relationship a
fair chance? Hey – she gave you seven months! What more do you want? But
you still want to see where things go. Dude, on her side they can only go from
40% to 49%. But don’t hold your breath – Taylor’s Interest Level
is never going to see 51%. You already blew your chance.
Search
the Singles Ads
Meet more people, make more dates, and have more
fun!
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Isn’t it funny how women always have excuses
not to see you when their Interest Level is lower than 50%? I can’t
imagine why! And you didn’t really get all kinds of tough with Taylor and
tell her off, Howie. You begged. What you did by listing all the stuff
she never did for you is called begging. Like my cousin Brother Love down in
Watts says, “Here you’re finally standing up for your rights, and
she’s in the arms of another man!” Sadly for you, pal; you’re
already in the past. You’re so far in the past it’s not even funny.
But Taylor promised to make things better. She should have said she
was going to up her Interest Level, but we know that’s impossible.
Know why Dana can’t get enough of you? Because of your love for
the other girl, Taylor, you were a Challenge to her. That’s why Dana fell
for you. And that’s what all the other love doctors would miss in this
situation – the importance of CHALLENGE.
There’s no mystery
at all about why you can’t get over Taylor: REJECTION DOUBLES INTEREST
LEVEL. And so you went and e-mailed her again despite the shellacking you took.
In other words, you’re still begging, right? Like my cousin Rabbi Love
says, “How many letters are you going to send this woman who can’t
even remember what you look like?”
And don’t delude yourself
about Taylor’s abilities with men. She can certainly be there and provide
good treatment for a guy – another guy. You just happen to be the wrong
guy.
But I do feel for you, buddy. When Taylor told you she was never
in love with you over dinner, did you upchuck your filet mignon? You don’t
really believe that she’s going to get together with you somewhere down
the line, do you? She just told you she was never in love with you to start
with! Which means her Interest Level was below 50% from the beginning. The
Reality Factor says that this is man’s biggest problem in his
relationships with the opposite sex.
And it also means that a girl
will move in with you when her Interest Level is below 50%. Like I
always tell you guys, 40%-49% can look like high Interest Level, but it really
isn’t. To you Psych majors, the only Interest Level that’s high
is yours. Yours is in the 90s. It’s out of control. Hers
should be in the 90s before you get involved with her. That’s the whole
point of my techniques.
But Howie, don’t feel bad for being
KO’d by Taylor’s left hook. Ninety percent of all guys are cut down
by women’s punches -- even big, huge football players.
You
actually have great luck with women, my friend. You have one who moved in with
you, and you’ve got another one waiting in the wings. You’re
fantastic at getting women. You just don’t know how to hold onto them,
that’s all.
Your Interest Level in Taylor is way too high, man.
Taylor’s is 40%, and yours is 100%. And that’s what rejection does --
it will distort reality and drive you completely nuts. But take comfort. Like
an old sage once said, “Time is mankind’s greatest healer.” And
you have the advantage that you can get into your other girl. You’re lucky
that you have a backup! Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says,
“Do you know how many guys go it alone after they get dumped?” You
already have a babe in the bullpen, so you’re doing all right. But you
have to learn to appreciate Dana before she decides to walk out on you, too.
Remember, guys: never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to
keep you. |
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To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love
questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at or call (800)
404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches
men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women,
"Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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