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Hi Frederic,
You didn't just purchase
"The System." You invested in your life. You decided to protect your
sanity. You gave yourself a guarantee that you'll never have to lie on a
shrink's couch bawling over some ditzy babe.
Pal, the vast majority of
guys repeat the mistakes of the past. Know what Judy, Caprice, Lynn, and Amber
all say? "This guy's needy." But let's get on to your problem.
So,
Jami's all of 18 years old? Come on, Frederic -- what are you going to do,
adopt this girl? But you did the right thing by going along when she
asked you out. Take note, because this is what I call an "advanced class." When
a girl comes at you, when she invites you out, you have to GO. I don't
care if you're the third or fourth dude on her list; if you go along for the
ride, you might end up number one or two. And that's why you go for it. Like my
Uncle Jethro Love says, "When she tells you to start the dance, you say 'Baby,
turn up the music!'"
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When Jami invited you to the movies that was the
second time she asked you out. Freddie, you're moving up! Like my cousin
Sal "The Fish" Love says, "You're really swattin' flies now, baby!" Then a
concert planned in advance? Wow. You started out as hamburger, next thing you
know you're Chateaubriand!
Now, guy, you know I'm against group dates,
but you had to go along with Jami when she asked you out with her friends
because she's just out of diapers and needs chaperones. I know this sounds
silly, but these 18- to 22-year-olds have to run you past their girlfriends for
approval first. Like the old Chinese proverb goes, "That's ding-dong rule
number one!" You're a nice guy and she was bragging about you. You worked this
girl nicely, man.
And by the way, you better only get together with
this girl at night because I don't want her seeing your sagging jowls and all
those deep lines and saddlebags under your eyes!
It's perfect that you
insisted on treating for dinner when you stepped out with Jami's parents.
That's exactly what Cary Grant would have done, too. And, hey -- you're meeting
the folks!
So you're being too hard on yourself, Frederic. You did lots
of things right - up to this point. But now here's the downside.
You
only buy expensive presents for your fiancé or your wife. Big
mistake, Frederic. You don't stick 10 or 15 grand on the credit card for this
little girl. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "Before you open up your
wallet, you gotta swing an alone date with her, man."
My book tells
you to limit your compliments. You had the book, but you didn't MEMORIZE
it, and when you were confronted with this stunning 18-year-old nymph (who
belongs on the cover of Elle magazine), it's understandable that you
weakened. But you pulled another boner, Frederic.
E-mailing and
text-messaging this honey every single day was a huge blunder. To you Psych
majors, Challenge means you're out in North Dakota because the United States
Federal Witness Protection Program put you there -- you can't be found until
your next date!
And to ice the cake, you just couldn't hold yourself
back and had to blabber about all the feelings you have for
Jami….Frederic, what in the world are you doing baring your soul to this
child? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "You got kids older than this girl!"
Talk about begging! Talk about weak!
Of course Jami doesn't have
feelings for you -- but she loved your Visa card. That's one out of two. But if
I were you I'd be friends with Jami - but you're going to be kissing her on her
doorstep. You told her it was too painful to be friends via e-mail? I'll bet
that raised Interest Level at least 10 points!
You and Jami didn't stop
communicating, buddy - she dropped you like a bad habit. When she contacts you
from now on, tell her you've got a heavy love problem. You're dating twin
Playmates -- Miss January and Miss July of 2007 -- and they're fighting like
cats over you. And you really like Miss January because she has a great sense
of humor, but there's something about Miss July you love too. The problem is
that her legs are too long. What's a poor guy to do? Ask her for a
suggestion.
Wanting help with her college course and dreaming about
becoming an actress is a double whammy. Tell Jami that you'll help her with her
project but first she has to come over to your house and cook dinner.
I have no doubt whatsoever that you find Jami very attractive, my friend. And
that makes two of you - you and the U.S. Army. How should you handle it now?
Disappear. It's your only hope. What would Cary Grant do in your
position? Mostly the opposite of what you've been doing.
Remember, guys:
if she's beautiful and between 18 and 22, don't try to buy her. |
