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Hi Roger,
You got two problems, pal?
You're real lucky! Most people have at least 11!
Roger, sometimes
"normal" people commit blunders, too. You're basically an okay guy; you just
make a lot more mistakes than other guys, that's all. Whereas the so-called
typical person on the street makes 20 boo-boos, you make 80.
Like the
great Doctor Freud once said, "Of course your problem is purely mental." Maybe
you had lousy parents. And if it wasn't them who screwed you up, then maybe you
weren't born with a full deck. In life, everyone has shortcomings of some kind,
even Jessica Simpson and Colin Farrell. What a surprise! But we're going to
give it a shot anyway.
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First you should go and see a counselor - a guy or
gal with a sheepskin, one who specializes in treating your type of problem. But
like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "Don't spend your money for more than three
months if something good isn't happening."
When you don't understand
what people are talking about, here's what you say: "Excuse me. Could you
repeat that a little more slowly?" Then smile. Write those words down on a
three-by-five card, okay? Whenever you get lost in a conversation, pull the
card out and use it. It's your security blanket.
Lots of people draw
blanks in conversations, Roger, don't forget that. My book is full of witty and
brilliant things to say to women, so that should be your first stop. You don't
sound that bad off to me. It's just that you haven't been exposed to the
correct training or experience. And, like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says,
"I think you're laying a heavy trip on yourself. Give yourself a break,
paisan."
My friend, there are lots of loser guys out there who
say the wrong stuff all the time, so don't feel like you're alone. You're being
way too hard on yourself. And that can set you back straight out of the gate,
no matter who you are.
But let's concede that you might have a lack of
social skills anyway. What are you going to do about it? March down to Barnes
and Noble and pick up a book of etiquette. You're going to put it right next to
the Dating Dictionary and you're going to study it. Then you're going to
get a book on how to be a good speaker and do the same. You're going to make
your index cards and use them when you have to. And you're going to practice,
practice, practice, until you know what's on those cards like you know your
first name.
Look at it this way: if someone asks you your first name,
you don't get stumped by that, right? It's the same principle. The point is
that you can be coached. Like my cousin General Love says, "You're not
completely hopeless, soldier. You should see what I have to put out there on
the dating battlefield!"
But you say you've gotten better, Roger.
Fantastic! To you Psych majors, as long as you improve, that's what's
important. I don't care if the trip to becoming the reincarnation of Cary
Grant is 50 million miles, as long as you're on the right track and going
forward - and Roger, you are. Just the fact that you wrote a letter proves it.
So you are doing some things right. That's what you have to build
on.
So when you're with women, you smile and show your teeth like they
do. When they stop talking, you stop talking, until you're comfortable with
your rap and can guide the conversation. And I hope that when these pretty
women flirted with you, you said "Hey, what's your home phone number?"
Let me ask you something, Rog. If you want to dig a hole, would you rather use
a spoon or a spade? Dude, "The System" is a power shovel. You'd be a fool not
to use it. I get letters from guys all over the world. One of my loyal students
in India, who's turning into a love doctor himself, called me recently. His
buddy was about to commit hari-kari over some babe who dumped him. And my
student talked him out of it by using some of the materials from my book. Now
I'm not going to tell you that my principles prevent suicide. But in this case
it sure helped - and if it could hold someone back from smoking the tailpipe,
it could sure as heck help you to be more social!
So what you're going
to do is use shorter sentences, guy, so your tongue doesn't get tied in a knot.
You're going to find a way to get the woman to carry most of the conversation.
You're also going to go to Toastmasters and talk about "The System." The first
time you get up on the podium you're going to make 88 mistakes. But the next
time up you're only going to make 87. The third time it will be 86. And so on.
Then you're headed in the right direction.
Regarding the mean-spirited
people you run into, why don't you just walk away from them? Why do you hang
around for a beating? But if you have to stay, get the upper hand, turn it to
your advantage. Say what my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say to a hot babe who
was putting him down: "I love it when you beat me!" And then grin like
Christopher Walken. On second thought, smile like Tom Hanks.
But you
don't have to fight back at all, Roger. Just walk off. Or disarm that Beautiful
Woman who mocks you. "Do you think it's loving and hospitable, to torture me
just because I can't get out three words in a row?" That's what you say to her.
You have to use humor. If other guys cut you down in front of pretty
women, just split, simple as that. Change your environment. If it's too hot in
the kitchen, get out.
Why are you so convinced that your pattern of
failure will never change? How can you predict the future? See your therapist,
Roger. Then we'll grow you a PERSONALITY. If you do what I tell you, if you're
patient and don't put yourself down, and you realize that there's a light at
the end of the tunnel, the truth will change you.
But if you're
convinced that you're a lost cause, there's not much I can do. I may be able to
get any guy in the world a date, but I'm not a miracle worker.
Remember, guys: nobody's perfect. |
