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Hi Sonny,
First of all, I want to make
sure I got this straight. You're telling me you were walking along a public
thoroughfare, Yancy saw you and said to herself, "Know what -- I'm going to
walk up to this dude and take him out?" For a guy like me who faithfully
watches Forensic Files and American Justice, it's pretty darned
scary. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "There are lots of loons
lurking around out there!" If Yancy were my little sister, I'd give her a
spanking for accosting a strange man.
But you two made a connection.
Now think about this. Ninety percent of the guys in America would have called
Yancy within the first two days of swapping numbers. The other 10% are pretty
sharp with the girls. And I'm talking here about guys who haven't been schooled
on my techniques. I know you guys think I'm beating up on you all the time, but
I'm really only beating up the dumb 90%, not the slick 10%. But by utilizing
"The System" and a waiting period, you got this girl to crack up. Another guy
would have been on the horn to Yancy within 48 hours of meeting her, and never
allowed her the possibility of calling him. To you Psych majors, you scored an
"A" in PATIENCE.
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Your behavior on the first date was classy. I just
hope you made Yancy laugh. And it's good you didn't touch her. Remember, you
picked this girl up on the street, okay? Remember too that you can always kiss
later. But in this circumstance, which I call an Advanced Class, because you
just met this girl, and because of where you met her, you didn't have to employ
the usual "Kiss Test." To you Psych majors, we're slowing things down.
And again, this is because you were complete strangers on a street when you met
- which still bugs me.
But you flubbed it when Yancy text-messaged you
with what a great time she had and how much she enjoyed being with you. You
should have responded to this like Bobby De Niro would: "Tell me some more. I'm
very intrigued." In other words, you should have played with it. You could have
gotten some humor out of that incoming missive, but you didn't.
Know
what you should have said to this babe when she found my book under your seat?
"I trained that guy. I taught Doc Love everything he knows about women. Then he
went and wrote that book. It should have been me." And said it with a straight
face. She would have been totally impressed, and you would have been in the
driver's seat.
But you never should have had the book in your truck in
the first place. What is your cherished Dating Dictionary -- an almost
sacred tome that is loaded with TRUTH -- doing underneath a seat in a truck
with the cobwebs and fast-food wrappers? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "You
got some dried squirrel skins under there too?"
Instead, for that
second date you should have vacuumed and washed your car and blackened your
black walls. Your vehicle would have been in perfect shape then, in case
Yancy's a cootie freak. And that way you would have noticed my book and taken
it out of there and you would never have gotten into the situation and had to
answer questions. But we can still clean this up.
Viewed from another
angle, it's good that Yancy discovered it because it allows you to test her
attitude. If she concludes, "I hate to admit it, but this Doc Love is right on
as far as dating goes," then you got yourself a potential keeper. But if she
doesn't get it, she's going to be brutal to deal with.
Your
answer to her question about her Interest Level wasn't humorous. To boot, you
didn't shoot a question right back at her. Like my cousin General Love says,
"Soldier, you're on the front line, and you have to move forward!"
Here's the rule - when a woman hits you with a tricky question, you're
supposed to come right back and be a clown. As the Chinese proverb goes, "If
you're not a clown, Grasshopper, you're gonna be the fool!" When Yancy tried to
pin you down on her Interest Level, your snappy comeback should have been "I
don't what it is now, but I'll tell you this: at the end of three months -- if
you make it that far -- it's going to be in the nineties!"
But you
didn't significantly hurt your cause. Because women know that men hate any type
of self-help when it comes to relationships, and Sonny, you stepped out of that
box. So she has to be thinking: "Look at this guy - he's got the guts to buy a
self-improvement love book. He's not only got courage, he's got
brains!"
Where you did screw up was when she asked you out for the very
next night. It's true that I tell you to accept the date if it's incoming, but
you should never accept a date when you're on a date. Let's say she asks
you to a wedding in two weeks. You answer, "Can we talk Wednesday?" We want
this girl coming at you - calling you in the early stages because it
demonstrates high Interest Level. And that's our main goal here -- gauging her
Interest Level.
I know I tell you not to talk about the future, but in
this case we want the girl to call you. If she says, on the spot, "Let's
set the date now," then she's closing you, which indicates high Interest Level.
But what you're doing is testing her, studying her, you're finding out exactly
where she's coming from in terms of her Interest Level.
So again, even
though it was incoming, never take a date on a date. Tell her you'll talk
later. Or even better, hand her their favorite line out of the Encyclopedia
of Womanese: "Let me check my schedule first. It's at work."
Here's
the good part. You've only been in this girl's presence twice. Everything looks
great, and by the third date she knows whether you're going to be around for a
while. And so far this girl's doing everything right. The only red flag is that
there are so many nuts walking the streets. I just hope you two didn't hook up
at four in the morning in Compton!
Sonny, you're lucky Yancy's Interest
Level was in the nineties when she spotted you loitering on the pavement. But
you have to go six more dates. You have to make it to nine or 10 dates. So let
her contact you by text message. If she doesn't, you know what to do. Give it
some time, then call her and ask her out for date number four.
The only
thing you shouldn't have done was accepted the third date. You've got to learn
to pace yourself. The biggest problem men have in relationships is RUSHING
IN.
Remember, guys: you have to spoon-feed yourself; otherwise,
she'll get bored. |
